The Bright Side

Usually I am not the sad type,  except maybe when I watch a touching movie, also maybe when I see infants suffering, or maybe when I see a neighbour in need and I’m unable to help out, but on this particular day, the 31st of December 2014,10pm to be precise I was just sad for too many reasons. I had been happy all day, in fact ecstatic about the upcoming year, I hugged as many beautiful colleagues as I could after I closed from work, hopped on the bus and headed straight to church, but as soon as I stepped in, this heavy cloud of sadness overwhelmed my soul. Rushing back into my memory were the broken promises I made to self at the beginning of 2014, how I promised to become rich, successful, famous, and possibly top it all up with a beautiful wedding, maybe I’m beginning to sound a little like a sissy, lol just maybe. Anyways l, I remember making a few resolutions, some very serious ones which included owing people less, becoming a more focused person, saving more and less spendthrifting, oh I also put a car on the list, it seemed impossible but I held on to some weed level of faith. I was one of the lucky ones who got a job almost immediately after service, I completed my NYSC in September 2012 and got a job November that year. Albeit my job didn’t pay well, I didn’t care as long as it took me away from the drama at home and from the constant parental bashing. Shortly after I started working I got another job offer in lagos of all places, the offer sounded like an upgrade, like one of those weekly whatsapp updates that ended with the same old fonts and smileys, maybe just some different colors. One thing I’ve realised about myself is this, I usually end up doing the things I’ve often so much avoided or right at places I always despised, theres a short story behind this, I always told my friends that nothing, absolutely nothing could make me live in Lagos, this was tied to the horrible experience I had on my first ever visit to Lasgidi. Any ways, because I had targets and aspirations which could only be guaranteed in Lagos and a few other locations, I accepted the offer and moved to Lag in April 2013. I settled in, got an apartment and made new friends, maybe a few enemies too. Brethren I lie thee not, lagos is a hard place to live in, but if you’re smart atleast you’ll eat twice a day. All my dreams and hopes of saving went out the window soon as I arrived lagos, it was always from one debt into another, sometimes i even borrowed to pay off debts, I didn’t know how to face people who looked up to me as a friend, brother or even benefactor, I tried as much as possible to limit communication with peeps, the struggle was real. Although I was able to achieve a few of the things on my list, I enrolled for my MSC programme, made a few hopeful impacts at work and earned a little publicity in the most awkward places, I had remained hopeful until the very night of 31st December 2014, it dawned on me, the year had come to an end and I still found myself breathlessly chasing behind my dreams. While I was busy brooding over spilled milk, something spoke to me, I realised, hey! I’m still breathing,  which means I can make new resolutions,  try out new strategies, break new grounds, at least every mistake you make only teaches you one more way how not to do it, just like that my mood changed, I got on my feet, danced my heart out, and I ended 2014 rejoicing. One thing I learned is this, in this life, you may not always find yourself where you wanna be (unless your mama witchcraft strong weh weh), but then you can always close the gap through focus,  hard work and prayer, nobody said it was going to be easy, but then nobody said it was going to be difficult either, pick yourself up, look back, look forward and soldier on. Welcome to 2015, your year of greatness. Z

The Single Parent Syndrome

Some days back, I read a tweet which went thus: ‘Dating a single mother is like continuing a paused game by another person’. This tweet might have been just one of those random tweets but I read it once again and it just occured to me that this issue of single motherhood is a very big issue which should be addressed. The attitude of many people, especially in Nigeria is mostly negative, sometimes ambivalent but totally far from being positive. This got me thinking, why is this so?
There are many reasons why people find themselves raising their child(ren) alone without a father or mother.I’d like to not delve into the issue of single fatherhood, rather that of single motherhood because the latter is regarded as more serious. (Lol) Let’s try to highlight some of these reasons people become single mothers.
1. One of the most common reasons for single motherhood is divorce. A man and woman, (married) could get tired of being married to each other and decide to go their separate ways, thereby opting for divorce. The woman, most times, gets to live with the child and raise him or her.Hence, she becomes a single mother.
2. Another reason is death of spouse which is the most unavoidable occurrence. Nobody can predict when the other would die, When a woman loses her husband, she has no option but to takeup the reponsibility of raising her child(ren) on her own.
3. Premarital pregnancies constitute another reason ( if not the highest) for single motherhood.. Ladies get pregnant without having wedded the man responsible for the pregnancy and the latter could deny responsibility. The lady, who decides against option, goes ahead to bear the child and takes care of the child, she becomes a single mother.
4. The less common reason in this part of the world is that of women who just decide to never marry due to reasons only known to them. No , they are not nuns, they would just rather prefer to get pregnant and raise the child on their own.
There are, or could be other reasons why people become single mothers. The issue to be addressed now is, does being a single mother make one non appealing?Should it be a criterion for men when deciding to date or get married? Should single mothers be stigmatized and why? As a lady, are you in this situation and what are your experiences? Have you lost a potential husband or boyfriend because you have a child? As a man, can you date single mother or marry her and accept responsibility of her child(ren)? If not, what are your reasons? Please do drop your comments. Thanks. … BOS

The After One syndrome

Some days back, I read a tweet which went thus: ‘Dating a single mother is like continuing a paused game by another person’. This tweet might have been just one of those random tweets but I read it once again and it just occured to me that this issue of single motherhood is a very big issue which should be addressed. The attitude of many people, especially in Nigeria is mostly negative, sometimes ambivalent but totally far from being positive. This got me thinking, why is this so?
There are many reasons why people find themselves raising their child(ren) alone without a father or mother.I’d like to not delve into the issue of single fatherhood, rather that of single motherhood because the latter is regarded as more serious. (Lol) Let’s try to highlight some of these reasons people become single mothers.
1. One of the most common reasons for single motherhood is divorce. A man and woman, (married) could get tired of being married to each other and decide to go their separate ways, thereby opting for divorce. The woman, most times, gets to live with the child and raise him or her.Hence, she becomes a single mother.
2. Another reason is death of spouse which is the most unavoidable occurrence. Nobody can predict when the other would die, When a woman loses her husband, she has no option but to takeup the reponsibility of raising her child(ren) on her own.
3. Premarital pregnancies constitute another reason ( if not the highest) for single motherhood.. Ladies get pregnant without having wedded the man responsible for the pregnancy and the latter could deny responsibility. The lady, who decides against option, goes ahead to bear the child and takes care of the child, she becomes a single mother.
4. The less common reason in this part of the world is that of women who just decide to never marry due to reasons only known to them. No , they are not nuns, they would just rather prefer to get pregnant and raise the child on their own.
There are, or could be other reasons why people become single mothers. The issue to be addressed now is, does being a single mother make one non appealing?Should it be a criterion for men when deciding to date or get married? Should single mothers be stigmatized and why? As a lady, are you in this situation and what are your experiences? Have you lost a potential husband or boyfriend because you have a child? As a man, can you date single mother or marry her and accept responsibility of her child(ren)? If not, what are your reasons? Please do drop your comments. Thanks. … BOS

a lesson well learnt 2

I just thought I was gon get away with it like the other two times but unknown to me I was in the lions den. He tried to penetrate in me and I stopped him….again….. He left me and was fuming, I was mad with myself cos I felt like I shouldn’t be toying with him, I never really told him I was a virgin, I was just being diplomatic about it .. Then he brought this yoghurt from his fridge n we started playing with it, oh the power of imagery!…. The whole thing started again and he began to manipulate me, giving me reasons to think I was doing the right thing. I heard myself thinking, no guy is worth it anyway, I can’t b celibate for life, someone has to do the honors, he wasn’t going to date a virgin…Who would anyway, I thought….and it happened, I closed my eyes and it took about 10 minutes before he got to completely get through, I felt something puncture inside me and immediately I ran to the bathroom to call my best friend, She tried to calm me down,that’s when I realised I was bleeding, I was in pain, both physical n mental, more of the latter… Then it dawned on me, I just lost my virginity to a guy I met within four weeks, Who does that??? Why did I wait this long in d first place….. He seemed really surprised to have met me a virgin considering the things he had heard about me. I felt like I lost my life, No flowers, No champagne, No chocolate like I used to dream it would be, oh why!!!……

I went home, Wasn’t able to look my mother and my siblings in the eye but I just had to be careful so as not to arouse any form of suspicion… This guy and I weren’t actually in any ‘love’ relationship, I won’t deny, he never said the words “I love you” But no matter what he was ready to offer, I was ready to be with him nonetheless.. We talked regularly over the phone..When I got back to school to resume second semester I was excited cos I knew I was gon be around him again, It wasn’t the sex, the whole process still hurt me cos I was still sore. Every other time felt like the first time he was trying to penetrate all over again.. But there was this aura about him, U just get all happy, It was fun. Everyone saw us together, everyone started referring to me as his ‘girlfriend’ so I just thought that was my title, I wasn’t really bothered what he thought I was to him. He started getting possessive too so I just presumed he really liked me and I was indeed his girlfriend, he wanted to know where I was every now and then, what I was up to and who I was with. He got me a brand new phone, I didn’t even have to ask, I didn’t really lack much cos he had the money anyway.. So I was happy in my ‘relationship’.. There was a time I was ill and he asked me to come over, he would go to work and the cook would make me food, his friends would come around to check on me and I just thought, where else would I rather be?…
Obviously I had fallen in love with him.. But I dint know if he was in love with me, I just thought that was love he was showing me and sharing with me..

Then the climax set in…someday, My friend came to my room to ask me where my boyfriend was.. I told her he’s in Lagos and she said I had to confirm because she heard he was in town and had been going around with another babe for three days… I was shocked! He told me he would come into town for work related reasons bt I dint know he actually came.. I called to accuse him and He turned d tables around. the conversation ended in disagreement, that was the last time we spoke…I’m sure u are all baffled.. That was exactly how I felt too..I didn’t call back hoping that he would call to apologise. I called his friend whose birthday we met and he apologised telling me he knows how I feel and he had even been expecting me to call.. But that he wasn’t cool with the way my boyfriend turned out…a few days before my exams was my faculty dinner, my friend and I went to the club and the next group of people that came in were my so called boyfriend with another girl, apparently that was his main chick, I was only on the side… It took me a while to figure out that it was the girl whose pictures had been on his phone and he said they were ‘friends’. I’m not this stupid on a normal day, I just didn’t think a guy like that, who has all he wants could lie to get into a girls panties, I mean how lame can things get? I really rated him, I expected that if he just wanted to sleep with me, he would have come out straight because I thought that would come with his pride, He didn’t have to go under the umbrella or charade of trying to be a boyfriend, I couldn’t hold myself that night I cried to the 7th heaven and back.. I gulped rum straight from the bottle, with My exams starting in two days I was broken! His friends had to take me home and made sure I was able to make it for my test. I couldn’t study neither could I breathe easy…Every nerve in me cursed the day I met him.. Every blood that flowed in my veins despised him, my friends really tried to make me feel better but it was hard.. I tried my best to study because I couldn’t afford to let my mum down a second time.. Immediately after exams,a close friend and I went to Lagos to see her boyfriend, That’s a real boyfriend actually, not a d**khead whose hands I drowned in. We had much fun a whole lot in fact before we went back to school and then I moved back to Lagos for my holidays, I was healing, still cry once in a while tho, to think that everything started and ended in just 3 months, But such is life, It has been written that I would go through it. People are victimised day by day and they experience a whole lot more than I did.. At least I was only manipulated.. I wasn’t single handedly raped or gang-raped, It’s an incident I would never forget.. I remember those days in school when we would be asked to write an essay that ended with ‘had I known’, I Had no idea I’d be writing such years after in realism. Since then, it’s been extremely difficult to fall in love or put my trust in any human specie, especially of the masculine gender… One month into my holidays I met this guy,he was just different… Now don’t judge me but life has gotta press play from pause .. We met in the ‘randomest’ of ways I’m even too shy to disclose.. Once bitten twice shy but who knows what plans God has for anybody? We started off as close friends but with time I realised he intends to stay not for a while but a long period of time… He’s not a rebound because I know I’m completely over my past and ready to continue with a smile on my face… He’s been simply amazing… I only pray to God for the best.

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A lesson Well Learnt

U know that moment when U sit back and reminisce on important segments of your life…The ups and downs,Trials, tribulations and temptations…well I’m a young girl, 19 years of age, People think I’m beautiful, smart and real 100 percent, but beyond reasonable doubt I have my imperfections….I’m from a family where we thank God because all immediate needs are met, I went to an amazing secondary school Queens college yaba Lagos, I couldn’t have had a better pre university foundation. My mum is my Alfa and omega.. She saw me thru the extent of education I have acquired today, It’s nt like I don’t have a dad but, oh well, shit happens, let’s just say he’s not around even though we live under the same roof…

So I got into the university… At 15 Everyone was excited.. I kept making mum proud… She’s always been the great mother,One that advices her daughter to stay away from guys. They have absolutely nothing to offer a girl at a tender age, She goes “won fe ba aye e je ni” (they just wanna ruin ur life)…She had just two major wishes, she wanted me to crown her efforts by concentrating in school and bringing home outstanding grades, the other was to remain a virgin, marry a man that would be worth the wait and of a background stable enough so that she can reap the fruits of her labour….
I forgot to mention I have 4 big sisters, I think they have all had one major disappointment or the other in the hands of me so they keep on nagging in the name of advising their little one not to fall into the evil traps of “men”. I listened… I was that lil girl in UNI whom everyone knew maybe because it was obvious I was so young, everyone just wanted to come close. Male or female, Yeah I got the word, I was attractive(I still am lol). So it went on, I stayed away from guys, even men that wanted me got shoved away, My mantra was ” I shall remain a virgin” and I sang it in my head all the time.. First year went, second, third came by too and I was virgin and proud, people had their views about me yet I survived.
Fourth year came by, Normal school routines followed…Stress filled as usual still I had my fair share of fun. On this faithful day I went for this party, Ooh now this is beginning to sound like every story where the girl gets drugged and raped…NO…
I met this guy,He was Good looking With a capital ‘G’, Dressed really well I couldn’t ignore his studded and spiked shoes. He gave me a drink actually, but I wasn’t drugged Lol, He was attracted to me…Or so I thought… He happened to be the celebrants childhood friend and He was smooth when he talked, Arrogant too, tho I was impressed. Then we exchanged numbers, that doesn’t make me cheap does it? I just thought it was nice to make his acquaintance anyway. So the next day he called and after much fronting, he got my permission and visited me in my hostel…We spent hours chit-chatting and drinking in d car, we just flowed..There was always something to talk about, I was becoming attached.
My exams started the next day, I had to study and all but I still made out time to see him every day cos I enjoyed every minute with him… We had too many things in common n I just thought I was in safe hands.. In between, I visited him once in his place and we watched movies and ate and we made out, We went past different limits cos I was into him already, It got to the sex stage and I just stopped him, that happened 2 different times.. After my exams He invited me to come spend a few days in his house before going over to mine for the semester break, I bought the idea, after all I finished that semester with a striking 4.0 gpa and nothing academic to worry about, thought it would be fun, I played hard to get tho, but I succumbed and went over. I Got to Lagos at night, spent hours before getting to his apartment in lekki, Typical badman!! Lol! So I ate and took a shower and later that night, we were talking and things got pretty mushy, started kissing,and playing around……

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Love and other Things

I once asked a friend how it feels to be in love with somebody you cannot be with, she used the words – Stressful, Annoying, beautiful and even said “you can’t stay mad at him”, “you want to be with him”, “But! You know you definitely can’t have him. I am 22, pretty, focused and in a serious relationship, but also in love With another man, Umar, who just makes me feel alive.
I met Umar at a cafe just a block away from my apartment, he came to have coffee and he was with this super hot girl, tall thin and beautiful who looked oddly familiar. I felt his eyes on me as I moved around the shop like he knew me from somewhere but I Ignored the feeling and looked away. A few minutes later, my phone beeped, it was a mention on twitter, “now ff @kabeeraww”. I checked the avatar and I saw that it was Mr hot guy, with the handle @Um_ar .Then I remembered that I had been following him on twitter for a while, I also remembered I had seen him tweet his girlfriends picture severally, and they were always in each others mentions. That’s why she looked so familiar. I bought my hot chocolate and left the cafe.
Later in the day, I got a dm from @Um_ar….
“Hey Miss did you enjoy your drink?” That got me startled and blushing at the same time.
I replied immediately “Not bad sir, did you enjoy your coffee?”
That was how it all began. We really could not tweet at each other because we did not want to call attention to ourselves. Instead, we exchanged Dms and as days went by; our conversations increased and became more personal. I really wanted his Bbm pin but I was too shy to ask, I also did not want to be too forward because I knew he had a girlfriend. Still, we became even closer and out of the blue, he asked for my pin.
“Kabeera, do you mind sending your pin, it’s easier to talk on Bbm”. Ehn! Instantly I sent my pin. That’s when our friendship started “flying on a first class”. And we became “Bbm lovers”.
I couldn’t just ignore the fact that Umar had a woman in his life, he being a successful engineer at 27 wouldn’t let any sane woman let go off him. He is quite a catch, and good looking too. He on the other hand couldn’t close his eyes to the fact that I was hooked.
In fact he always pushed it in my face by saying things like “how’s uncle? Have you guys spoken today”.
Acting like he didn’t care, but I knew deep down he really did. In short, I fell in love with him and we had a “cyber affair” for three months straight before agreeing to meet up and decide the on next step.
It was on a Sunday morning and I was home alone, though we had agreed to meet but we never fixed a date. I heard the door bell and went straight for it. My heart stopped when I saw Umar at the door. I stared at him dumbfounded for about a minute before finally letting him in. It took me another long minute to gather myself together, reach for him and give him a long, tight hug.
We talked about everything from the moon and back, before he finally looked me in the eye and said
“Kabeera, if I had the chance, I would definitely marry you.” “If only I had the chance”.
I moved away from him and blinked back my tears, how on earth did I fall in love with somebody who is so difficult to be with. I love my boyfriend, he is so dedicated and loving, but I could leave him for Umar? Could Umar also leave his girlfriend of many years for me? I was too scared to ask because I didn’t know If could face the truth.
I turned back to look at him ‘’I don’t care Umar, I don’t care how this ends, I just want to be with you”. “I don’t care if I get hurt; loving you is worth every bit of it”.
‘’Kabeera, I care about you too”, Umar replied, “but we have to be responsible, we are both in serious relationships”. ‘Look! I screamed “Why take me this far and then start telling me this?”
He shut me up with a soft kiss……and then we made love, very sweet love, we spent the rest of the day together, I really felt alive. After Umar left, I became very confused and started asking myself questions, did I really want to take another woman’s man and be tagged a “boyfriend snatcher”?. Should I my dedicated love, who I am sure, wants to marry me, for uncertainties? Even if Umar leaves his girl for me, how sure am I that he isn’t going to leave me for another woman?
I was having all these confusing thoughts when Umar’s message came in “It’s amazing what you do to me”, All my doubts fled and I felt more convinced about what we had.
Some minutes later my phone rang, it was my best friend calling from South Africa. We screamed pleasantries, then I stylishly raised my dilemma, “babe, I’m writing a story for my blog, and I just can’t think of an appropriate ending, please ‘borrow me brain’”
And then I went on to tell her about the love “rectangle”, me with my boyfriend, Umar with his chic. “It’s simple”, She replied “If the girl breaks up with her boyfriend, the boy would know she’s serious and he would let his girlfriend go, that way they can build something serious. This is because a man never likes to share.”
Her answer hit me hard, and it finally dawned on me, I cannot eat my cake and have it. I can decide to be a good woman and stick with my dedicated love or, I can throw caution to the wind and try to build something with Umar. I really do want Umar as mine, but a friend once told me that “If a man is good, you would be a bad woman not to stand by him”.
So, would leaving my “good man” make me a “bad woman”? Or would it make me a better and stronger woman. Would it be the best decision I have ever made, or would it mar me for the rest of my life. Should I continue with my current relationship and end my affair with Umar or Just take the risk and be with Umar instead…..

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The Turnaround

I had given up on love. The word “love” used to annoy me so much, you’d wonder what went wrong with me. You know, I wasn’t always like this. I was what you would call a Cinderella. I lived in my own fairy tale world. But not as every love story would end, mine was a disaster, I won’t bore you with the details but it was a real disaster. I thought I would go insane literally because I was so much into him and he wasn’t, he pretended the whole time. The end was so bad, my grades in school dropped. I was always a first class student, it was embarrassing and I couldn’t tell anyone but my closest friends. 
    I began to hate everyone who approached me, especially the ones with the same name as my former lover. Then this particular dude hit me up one day.
   Like I mentioned earlier, I ignored every attempt from men, and not to brag but I get glances every where I go and everyone wants to be acquainted with me every other time. But this man was different. I had never seen him before. He didn’t come to me, he hit me up via Web. I got to know he was an old friend I never paid attention to nor knew what he looked like while I was in my previous relationship. We got talking, turned out he knew me more than I thought he did. For some reason, I liked him even though I had no idea what he looked like and wanted to meet him, turned out he relocated to the states… holy grail..
    As time went on, as we kept talking via calls and texts, I found myself liking him too much even though he didn’t mention asking me out for once. I mean, he wasn’t in the same country as me. Sooner or later, we got real close. I was very cautious, I didn’t want to be a victim again because when I love, I love hard. Another point is, he didn’t live close to me and I didn’t want to trust he’d be faithful to me. My previous relationship changed my orientation totally, I was too uptight So I discarded any thought that came to my mind.
    It happened anyway, I thought I should try this one last time. He isn’t living in the country, he wouldn’t see me, “what’s the worst that could happen” I told myself. But in honesty I was loving this mystery man already. After what seemed like a year, he finally came home. He came back to his home country, in Lagos where I reside and trust me, it felt like I had known him for donkey years. I met him at the airport as he came out of those doors, He looked so much more handsome than his pictures. He was everything you would want in a man. He was all so calm I didn’t believe it. He couldn’t look me straight in the eyes. He just could not. That moment, I knew this was meant to be. 
    It’s almost 3 years now since that day, and I’ve been a happy woman ever since. I had a really tough Time overcoming my paranoia and trust issues but he helped me through it all. Despite all what people say, the usual, he’s not here, how do you know if he isn’t cheating on you and all the blabbing’s…this one last time,this relationship is here to stay and is on its way to the altar as I write this. 
   Not all men are animals. There are a few good ones amongst them. It would take a while, but trust me.. the perfect man is out there waiting for you.

The Techno-social Stigma

WARNING: if you use an iphone, Samsung(S series),Nokia(lumia series) or BB10 and the likes, you may not want to continue reading this cos honestly I’m aiming right at you…….

So a few months ago I heard about some new badass gadget that tecno had released (tecno u zay???), the tecno F7, at just 35k I heard its so badass it even makes badass sound more badass. Now here’s the problem, I gisted a friend of mine about my intention to get one and as soon as I did dude gave me that look 😐 …..yes that look that makes you feel like feaces or at least like you’ve got poop on you, that look that makes you feel like you’ve just betrayed your manhood. Mehn I lost every bit of mojo I had in me for that phone, I couldn’t just handle it, I let someone else’s opinion stop me from getting what I wanted, but then I noticed, recently I have heard people talk about the phone a lot but nobody wants to get it because their “friends/colleagues” think its a downgrade of status and a symbol of brokeness. Honestly if you’re one of such people you deserve a HI5 in the genitals.

Gone are the days when people suffered racial, gender and even financial stigma, nowadays the most common type is based on your technology orientation. If you’re not using any of those “quality” phones you can’t roll with the high class, fudge the high class mehn, funny enough most of the peeps using these phones are empty and retarded, they only compensate for these defects by acquiring expensive gadgets(bite me). Forget the way the Tecno company started out and their products would have been a great idea for any reasonable being. No offence to the S4 users but word on the street is the Tecno F7 is just as badass as the S4, maybe even badasser(ehen), do we always have to find a basis or criteria by which people are supposed to live their social lives, what happened to the days when nobody had to care about your kind of gadget or even your class just to be friends with you? And I can categorically say that Nigerian girls are the major reason no “cool” dude would wanna buy that phone, why? No girl wants to be presented with a low class gift while her friends are busy getting S4’s BB porsche’s and Lumia’s, hell NO! F7, 35k? Her reaction alone go make you piss for body, if your papa buy am for you no collect am, *spits* hoeniranu.

The moment people meet you these days (especially ladies) they wanna see the kind of device you have before they can exchange greetings with you or even dream of exchanging numbers, that’s what I call a techno-social stigma, now niggas be hustling, crashing from caravan to cubicle just to meet up with the demands of these swagger thirsty creatures, I tire mehn! A brother can’t just be simple these days if you know what I mean, e dey pain me, the most painful aspect is when you’re trynna get a ladies number and she pulls out an iphone5 meanwhile you just dey rock your curve2 jeje, the instant feeling of shame alone, immediately you pull it out parole go change, she fit go store your name as “Kunle curve2” sef so that whenever you call she go fit ignore am.

Its not a must for everyone to use expensive stuff, some people are just ok with being simple while they rock their life in better ways, some can afford it but abstain in order to avoid shacking Garri for the next few months, others can’t, even if they could they wouldn’t but in MY opinion nobody should be judged,segregated or socially categorised based on their technology orientation or even by any means whatsoever(except madness only lol) I rest my brief case. #Z

A Little Reminder

This is a little something for my brothers and sisters in Islam. (Call it a beautiful something, lol). Ok. Happy eid fitri. I hope you all had a nice day and you kept it halal?. Alhamdulilah for a successful completion of this year Ramadan(1434)… Many people started it with the intention of completing it but that turned an unachievable wish. *sigh*. Alhamdulilah again. If you are reading this, I assume you are alive ( well, dead people read too, No? ). If you are alive, hale and hearty, please say Alhamdulilah again, It is not a right, it is a privilege.
I intend to keep this very short. I just want to use this medium as a reminder to us all. It is quite fulfilling and encouraging to see muslims around the world observing the fast and running far away from the things Allah has forbidden for us. May He continue making it easy. We’ve all been hearing this, ‘If you can stop it in Ramadan, you can stop it all the time’. You might have not heard that exactly like that but something close to it, probably paraphrased. Yes, that is what this write up is about. My dear brothers and sisters, You got very much better during Ramadan period and you made a conscious effort to be someone striving hard towards the deen, you can be better for the rest of your life. You can get better as the days go by. Do not stop with the intentions and sacrifices, Keep trying, You can do this.
I know right now, some of you are thinking, ‘is she the perfect muslim herself?’.No I’m not and might never be but I will always strive to be, insha Allah. It might seem hard for you to stop certain things entirely but I’m very sure if you put your mind to it and seek your creator’s help, you shall surely find ease. A friend once told me that if you can stay away for something for thirty days, you can surely stay away from it for ever. This, in a way means that it takes thirty days for you to stop a bad habit. Why not try dis if you’ve been like that for thirty days? Yes, you can, I know Nobody was born perfect, the path you choose to thread will determine the outcome at the end of the day. Please thread wisely and carefully. Read your Quran, it is the best book in the world and it will surely guide you in your actions.

2|2|This is the Book (the Quran), whereof there is no doubt, a guidance to those who are Al-Muttaqun [the pious and righteous persons who fear Allah much (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden) and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained)].”

Pray five times daily( you did that during Ramadan, right, why stop now). Allah never refuses those who call out to Him. Cry to Him in prayer and He shall increase your Iman (faith) and Taqwa(Piety). . Surely, You shall find rest. (In sha Allah). May Allah keep guarding and guiding us all. Ma sallam….. BOS

The Ring Collection Syndrome

This is a topic I did not intend writing about but my fingers just kinda itched to do it. Lol.Boys are proposing, Girls are getting married,, that is good right? Oh yes it is. I love marriages, don’t we all? (Apologies to the celibate ones:nuns and reverend brothers). People want to get married for different reasons. Some get married to satisfy their sexual urges ( am I wrong)? Some do this to satisfy their parents, I hear some parents practically chase their daughters into the hands of men all in the name of marriage. *sigh*. This other reason is hilarious, to have a big big wedding. Okay okay, hold on. Weddings are great, I m crazy about colourful, interesting and elaborate weddings (if you are on my bbm, you would remember me talking about my aso ebi, lool, no wedding yet tho). My only problem is, if you want to get married just to have an elaborte wedding, then you are doing something wrong. A marriage goes beyond the dances, drinks, food and what have you? It is a really big deal. Very very very big deal.it is an unopened package, a sealed envelope, you never know what you will find in it until you get into it. okay, I think ya all are beginning to think, what is she driving at? I’m sorry for the bore…My main talk today is based on ‘the ring collecting syndrome’. Yes, I call it that. When we open our BBM or whatsapp these days, we see proposals all over( yes, the guy going on one knee and the girl crying and all that mushiness). That is cool, very cool , especially the ring aspect, I love rings. #DearFutureHubby, I want me a diamond ring. :D. Ok ok, rings are good but what esactly does it mean to give a ring to a girl for years without making any attempt at marrying her and doing what is right. I mean, you proposed to her because you want to marry her right? Okay, so what is keeping you? Money? Job? What? What are your reasons? And did you not think about that before you proposed to her. You know, I think it is somewhat unfair to propose to a girl and not walk her down the aisle for a long time, because technically, you have taken her off the market. Yes, these girls flash their rings at any man that shows interest in them, they non verbally tell them that they are hooked and they are not cut out for any kind of flirting and its alliances. What about the boys? They don’t wear the promise rings, do they? Which means they are good to do whatever they like without fear of being sanctioned. (Who will sanction them? ) Most of them still go around acting like they have no special person somewhere waiting for them to do the right thing.. *deep sigh*. What exactly is the point of a promise ring? If you will give your girl a promise ring and get married to her some time after, well, that is fair enough. But for years? Haba. We shouldn’t just blame the men tho, I heard some girls go as far as begging their boyfriends to propose to them, some buy the rings and give it to the man to give back to them ( that’s unbelievable right?), my thoughts exactly.. Why? Why are you desperate? Because your friends are getting married? Because the pressure is too much on you from family? Because you think you will lose him? My dear sister and friend, have you forgotten that if he is really yours, he can’t be lost? And as for your friends or family making you feel you are getting too old, will they be the one in the marriage? What do they have to offer you when things go sour? I’m not being negative, I’m just trying to be a realist.. Please calm down and let things flow the way they should. Put everything in God’s hand and let His will be done.. Do not pressure your boyfriend into proposing marriage to you when he is just trying to get a stand in life. Do not rush him, let things happen when they are supposed to.
Back to the men, do not, I repeat, do not propose to a girl when you are really not ready. Be very sure of what you want, marriage is not something you should be unsure of. Be firm in your decision. I’m tired of hearing about guys who propose to their girlfriends and then later find someone else they want to go with. What then happens to the girls? Some of them run mad, or do worse things.. We also hear of girls who, after collecting the ‘rings’ find out so many negative things about their intended and just realise they are stuck. Some of them keep patching things up and go into the marriage with uncertainty. I could keep ranting and ranting, who knows if I’m not even making any meaning? I’m sorry. I should pause now…. BOS